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Is the grass really greener?

January 25, 2010

I sometimes catch myself wondering how different life would be if we had only had one baby this second time around, or if we had had twins the first time around. Essentially, I wonder what our life would be like with just two kids.

To be sure, things would be simpler. On weekends when Jack is working, I probably would simply bundle up the kids and take them to the park, to the zoo, to the bookstore, etc. Instead, we stay in the house all day. I do, to my credit, occasionally buckle the three of them up in the car and head out to Trader Joe’s, Sam’s Club or Costco, but it isn’t a regular occurrence.

I’ve gotten little tastes here and there of this other life. A couple of weekends ago I took just one baby to Trader Joe’s on Saturday and on Sunday I took the other to Albertson’s. It felt… freeing to not have to haul out a stroller. I unbuckled my baby, grabbed the shopping cart cover, and was able to cruise the aisles with an actual cart (as opposed to shopping bags hanging from hooks attached to the stroller) all while smooching my child sitting there right in front of me.

But on each of those trips, something was clearly missing. Every time a stranger would comment on the cuteness, I felt compelled to work into the conversation that this little wiggling mass of adorable was missing another wiggling mass of adorable. “Well, thank you,” I would reply to a compliment on how pretty and bright-eyed my baby girl is. “She must be missing her twin brother, though.” “Yes, indeed,” I would agree with an assessment that my baby boy is an affectionate little guy, “But he’s probably wondering where his twin sister is.” Why couldn’t I just say “thank you” and leave be?

Could it be that I somehow need to convey to the outside world that the reason my hair is up in a messy ponytail and I have no makeup on is not just because I am taking care of one little baby, but because I take care of two? Does having two babies at home somehow make it more okay to have a shirt that is a little wrinkled?

So I think about what life would be like with one baby. I fantasize about it, even. Would I be a more put-together Mom? I could go more places, to be sure. You can always hold one baby on one hip, but a baby on each hip severely limits mobility. We are a very housebound household, quite limited in the places we can go, but we are… us. We are… right. One less baby would surely be less work, less hassle, less complication, but one less baby would make it not… us.

Comments (1) / Musings

FLASHBACK: Oh sleep, you have escaped me!

January 8, 2010

Every once in a while I look through my past writing and dust off something from the vault. This piece was originally written in April, 2008, about a month after Ethan turned three.

Saturday morning, 7am. I awake to the sound of rapid little footsteps headed toward my side of the bed. I jam my sleep mask which has migrated to the top of my head sometime during the night back over my eyes and pray the sound is coming from my cat. Who maybe gained 20 pounds overnight?

I am not so lucky. My son heaves himself over my body, and I wince as I am jabbed square in the bladder. This is not good. Please, give me 30 more minutes.

I turn on my side, my back away from the wiggling toddler. Maybe he will bother his father.

I am not so lucky. A little voice whispers in my ear “Mommy, is it good morning time?” I ignore him in the hopes that he will decide to lay his head on the pillow and quietly snuggle for a bit. Maybe I can have 20 more minutes?

Maybe he will fall back asleep?

I am not so lucky. I hear him grab something off the ledge of the headboard and start playing with it. What did I leave there last night? What could he be into? Reluctantly, I turn over and nudge the mask up off my eyes. I pry my eyes open to see him playing with a mirror compact. Sleeping takes precedence over the cheap plastic case . Oh, sleep… I miss sleep. Just ten more minutes.

Maybe he does not notice me looking at him?

I am not so lucky. He takes my face in both hands and presses his nose to mine. I see only huge grinning eyes. “Mommy, you are awake!”

“No,” I say. “I need to rest a little bit more.” He climbs onto me and straddles my belly. “Sweetie, please let me rest a little bit more.”

He smiles lovingly back at me. “Okay, Mommy. I will wait right here on your tummy while you rest.”

My choices are to lie here and suffer a child who cannot sit still bouncing on my bladder or get up and head to the bathroom. No no no no! This is not fair! Gimme five minutes for crying out loud!

“Oh!” my little boy exclaims. “Mommy! I’m going to go get something from downstairs. I will be right back.”

As soon as he is out of the room I haul out of bed and race to the bathroom. Maybe.. if I can back to bed in time… maybe… three more minutes…

I am caught halfway from the bathroom to my pillow. I look enviously at the man still sleeping on the bed.

“Mommy! Yay! You are up! Let’s go play!”

I am defeated.

Comments (5) / Flashback, Perils of Parenthood

They Might Be Giants: Here Comes Science

January 5, 2010

We are steadfast They Might Be Giants fans in this House of Chaos. I’ve been listening to them since High School (uh-oh, did I just date myself?) — Flood is definitely up there on my list of go-to albums. When they came out with Here Come the ABCs a few years back I was worried. See, they are backed by Disney, and the Disney-fication of the world freaks me out a little bit (I will expound on that in a future post). But TMBG did not disappoint with Here Come the ABCs, and they topped themselves not just once (with Here Come The 123s), but twice since then.

[amazon-product]B002FKZ4UO[/amazon-product] Here Comes Science is my all-time favorite TMBG album thus far. The incredibly catchy tunes combined with the so-NOT-dumbed-down lyrics and very clever rhyming is hugely appealing. Of course my almost-five-year-old digs the videos that go along with the songs, but more often than not we just listen to the music. Every song brings out, “THIS one is my favorite, Mommy! No, wait! This one AND the last one, AND the one before.”

I’m happy if they are all his favorites. Some of the science is understandably too complex for him, but he’s learning. How many almost-five-year-olds know what the four main elements in all living things are? (For those who are not as smart as a TMBG-tutored almost-five-year-old, they are: carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, and oxygen.) How many know what the difference is between speed and velocity? Or that Pluto used to be a planet but now isn’t (poor Pluto)? I’m thinking a lot of kids, actually, due to this clever album that can be listened to over and over again without making parents want to rip their eyeballs out and stuff them in their ears.

Seriously, when your almost-five-year-old states to an unsuspecting houseguest that the sun is actually not made up of gas but is rather a “miasma of incandescent plasma,” you can’t help but smile ’til it hurts.

When I received the CD in the mail (after having pre-ordered it weeks in advance of its release), I couldn’t wait for my almost-five-year-old sponge to join me in the first listening. I popped that sucker in the car CD player on the way to preschool pick-up and was immediately pleased with “Science is Real”. I admit I raised an eyebrow, wondering what kind of flak TMBG would  take over some of the lyrics, but being a person who doesn’t believe that science should necessarily be a threat to religion and faith, it didn’t bother me one bit. I’ve since read reports criticising TMBG for promoting science over religion. One of the Johns (John Flansburgh), in an interview for Wired, commented:

“Although it wasn’t designed to create controversy, it’s still a big relief to me that the opening track, Science Is Real, didn’t raise any red flags with the label. The song freely acknowledges the Big Bang and evolution, and casually conflates angels with unicorns and elves–all of which might bug some anti-science, pro-angel folk.”

I popped over to Amazon to read the reviews and discussions, and the heat over this one song gets intense.

Science vs. Religion issues aside, this CD (plus the accompanying DVD) has cemented such a love for science and learning in my son, he has requested that his next birthday party be science-themed.

We’ll do chemisrty experiments. Maybe I’ll attempt a sheet cake decorated as the periodic table.

I’m such a nerd (and I love it).

Comments (3) / Review

I’m going to do something CRAZY!

December 29, 2009

Why do I need to wait until the first of the year to make a resolution for myself? What is it about The New Year that inspires us so much to turn over a new leaf, or to do things we’ve been too lazy or scared to previously do?

This year, I’m going to do something crazy and not wait until January 1 to start on my resolutions. I figure if I get a few days’ head start, I might actually start out 2010 already doing things I wish I had been doing regularly in the past year.

Like getting outside. Going for walks. Not just for the exercise, but for the enjoyment of being outside. For the benefit of allowing myself some time to just be by myself. So simple, right? Not for me, clearly.

When I am at home, my oldest is in preschool, and the babies are with our own supernanny, I feel an intense responsibility to be working. I tether myself to my desk. I need to work to earn money to help cover the preschool and the nanny. I need to work because people are depending on me. I need to work because… well, because.

But am I always productive? Sometimes. Other times? My mind will wander. I will get fidgety. Water-glass refill breaks and quick trips to the other room to see what all that squealing and giggling is about can be frequent. This is a focus problem I’ve been grappling with for some months now. I think taking a little bit of time a few days a week for myself will help bring my brain back into focus.

So I’m pulling out my walking shoes (literally) and allowing myself a guilt-free half hour a few days a week. I’m not starting tomorrow. I’m not waiting until January 1. I started today (and it felt good).

Now my other resolutions? Like trying to keep up with the laundry and vowing to clean — really clean — my office? I’ve already picked those suckers up and laughed right in their faces.

What are YOUR resolutions? And are you usually good at keeping them?

Comments (9) / Time Out